Snore Fest in Mallorca

Straight back from Bilbao and I had a few days to recover before flying off to Mallorca for a a week of cycling. This was quite a last minute decision but when Dad said he had a spare room in his villa for a week I couldn’t really say no.

I did a trip to Mallorca back in May with a couple of the girls from the cycling club, my tri bestie Lisa and my Dad but this trip would be quite different. Quite why I didn’t blog about the one in May I don’t know but potentially because that week was the biggest roller coaster of emotions. For a start a close family friend had a stroke out in Mallorca on the Monday before we arrived on the Wednesday so helping his kids out while they were here took priority, and then I returned (4 days later than planned) to another relationship breakdown. Nonetheless it was a great trip and despite the cloud hanging over us we still managed to have a laugh and get some good rides in. I even managed to PB up Sa Colabra.

This time I felt distinctly less fit and was with all of Dads mates rather than my own, which isn’t an issue at all as I know most of them, but some people I’m sure find it strange that I head off on holiday for a cycling trip with a load of 60-70 year olds, lowering the average ago considerably. But we are all here for one thing – to ride our bikes and annoyingly they are all stronger on a bike than I am!

I flew out from Birmingham on the Saturday evening and went for the cheap flights with Ryanair which was obviously never going to end overly well. They emailed the night before saying there were delays getting through security so I needed to arrive 3 hours before the flight. The motorway was also due to be closed so I knew that would create another problem. Neither of these materialised and having arrived at the airport at 3.15 (for a 6.25 flight) I was through security by 4pm with 2 hours to kill…. I used my pret subscription and then wandered round every single shop before getting a cider. Somehow there was a 3pm flight to Alicante (also with Ryanair) that had yet to take off and apparently our flight and theirs were going out the same gate so there was a mass of people from both flights stood in the same queue. Eventually, at 6.30 the airport staff realised we wouldn’t all get through one gate an moved our flight to the gate next door. Obviously we would be taking off late….and the clientele on Ryanair flights are much to be desired. Safe to say I did not fall asleep on this flight!

Once I landed I had booked a coach over to the villa where I arrived at 1am to an absolute snore fest! Honestly Old man snoring is the worst but even Cat who I was sharing a room with was at it and in the end I relocated myself to the sofa around 3am!

My dad had kindly already collected my bike from pinarello but in the morning I quickly realised I’d forgotten some essentials…my saddle and my garmin mount! I should have known when my suitcase weighed a mete 16kg, given I’m usually incapable of keeping it below the max 23kg you get with easy jet, let alone below Ryanairs 20kg. So off I headed to pinrello to get a comfier saddle, a garmin mount and a shorter stem. After a fair amount of faffing we were off on our first ride – a 60ish miler along the pipe road to Costitx for lunch. It was hot, so hot! The hottest it’s ever been when I’ve cycled here before that’s for sure! From here it was on to Sineu and then back to Puerto Pollensa. Out of Sineu the men….ie the boys, decided to absolutely pelt it without a look behind them for me and Cat. It absolutely killed me as while they were happily sharing the load with 4 of them, Cat and I were off the back fending for ourselves. We stopped at the Caves for some much needed cake and caffeine where my heart rate finally reduced and I managed to recuperate for the 12 mile ride back. On the stretch back into town 4 of us managed to get a good time trial through and off on the go while my dad sat at the back which his “tyre issue”. Back in Puerto Pollensa we treated ourselves to Sangria and chips before lying round the pool in the sun.

Cat and I somehow managed to get waited on hand and foot….I think Dai was feeling guilty for his snoring volumes although his choice of drinkware was questioned when he brought me a g and t in a bowl because apparently the glasses were too small in the villa!

That evening we headed to Dads favourite restaurant, Swing, where after a large glass of sangria and some paella the lack of the sleep from the precious night caught up with me. Luckily someone had a great idea to shift the room arrangements so everyone could maximise their sleep! I had an amazing night’s sleep and woke up feeling much more refreshed rhe following day, if only this has lasted!

The following day was Monday which meant I would have to do a little bit of work for year-end so we agreed to do a shorter ride after which I could peel off back to the villa and the others could continue on without me. This shorter ride however was pretty hilly as Dai and Ian wanted to give the lighthouse a go. I was quite suprised we were doing this not only on a weekday but also leaving after 9am – Dad must have gotten soft over the years! The ride up to the first view point was good fun and I may have instigated a sprint finish to the top (which I may or may not have just about won). The decent the other side was relatively pleasant as it wasn’t too busy and the only cyclists to come past were a group of British of lads who I think overheard me at the top discussing my fear of descending as as they all came past they complimented me on how I was taking the corners and my kit which was very nice! We regrouped at the bottom before the slog up to the tunnel and from here we largely kept together until we reached the lighthouse. Unlike in May the road was completely open all the way to cars and bikes. It was heaving! And the car park which can only hold about 10 cars, was carnage. Dave wanted some photos to advertise his shirt (not sure how out of all of us he was the one with free kit he had to advertise) so I did a bit of a photo shoot to get the perfect photo….of his back!

The only way back from the lighthouse is the way you’ve just come and it was quite frankly carnage. For a start some wally in a campervan was unsuprisingly struggling to get round the corners without causing traffic in both directions to come to a grinding halt. For me it was perfect as it meant we descended at a pace that is more like my kind of descending but Mr “Don’t any of you dare overtake the cars, it dangerous” was evidently getting infuriated and was soon 5 cars ahead of the rest of us! Luckily it opened up for the long steady downhill section after the tunnel and we managed to regroup as the cars went past before hitting the climb back to the first view point. By now I was absolutely starving and I was regretting not eating anything when we stopped at the lighthouse. I quite quickly got dropper on the uphill (other than by dave) so attempted to stuff my face with a Torq bar from my pocket whilst trudging up the hill. I’d not felt that bad going up a hill in a long time and unfortunately it wouldn’t be the first ride of the week when that would happen!

The final descent back down to Puerto Pollensa was quite honestly horrific. There was traffic of every kind everywhere. Cars coming up were overtaking the cyclists coming up on bends, heading straight for me and I almost got taken out at least 3 times. I hated it all and have never been so glad to reach the bottom before. Back in Puerto Pollensa we went to one of my favourite cake shops, which was closed!!! So we went for chips instead which just didn’t compare to be honest, before I headed back to the villa to do what was meant to be a few hours work (and turned into about 5 or 6) while the others continued on a pootle to the bay. When they eventually got back I think they felt sorry for me as I was quite quickly presented with a bowl of Crisps and a large glass of sangria to “help my work”.

That evening we headed to my favourite restaurant in Pollensa – Casa Villa, which is part of the Tolos group. Not only is the sangria great but the food is also really good. Cat and Dai got an eyeful from a lady sat behind me so spent most the evening distracted trying to work out what she was (or wasnt) wearing and making guessing at where she was from. I can confirm she was English and her dress must have been quite cheap as there wasn’t a lot of it.

The following morning Dai obviously felt the need to try and rival the ladies outfit from the previous night and to everyone else’s disgust presented himself in a singlet. I must admit we all genuinely thought he was joking as surely he would not want to be seen in public on a bike in that. But much to all of our annoyance he refused to get changed. We did spend the entire day trying to drop him but that was unsuccessful so anytime we bumped into other cyclists we just kindly pointed out that he wasn’t with us.

Today’s ride was to another favourite cake shop of mine in Santa Maria and after the previous days disappointment I was very excited. I has specifically asked Dad and Smithy if they were 100% confident it would be open on a Tueaday and they reassured they didn’t need to check online because they “knew what they were doing”. I was, let’s be honest here, absolutely raging when we had ridden 30 miles there for it to closed!!!! To try and calm me down they suggested we had lunch at a nice bike cafe round the corner and stopped at the cake shop in Pollensa after we had climbed Batalla – this is the one that had been closed the previous day and I’d checked the sign on the door so I knew it was open on Tuesdays.

Heading up Batalla I made sure to try and keep on Dads wheel. Cat went off the front but they we quickly caught up where it flattens out. We tried really really hard to get rid of the man in the singlet but he was determined to stay with us the entire way up! After a quick stop at the top we descended back down and regrouped at the 6km mark, the standard place where everyone waits for me. From here it’s pretty much flat and straight to pollensa and quite quickly we ended up in some team trial esque through and off which smithy and dad shouting instructions at us. It was all quite fun until some random guy in a movistar Jersey jumped on the back and when he hit the front he went off like a rocket, breaking the group up causing swear words and shouting all over the place. Thank god the cake shop was open when we got there! I delved into my favourite lemon meringue and all was well again.

Back at the villa Bernie, Dad and Smithys personal Mallorca sports masseuse came round and inflicted a lot of pain on us all before we headed out to dinner at Tolos. That evening another bad snore fest ensued which meant I barely slept.

The following day was a real struggle after my lack of sleep. 60 miles of trying not to get dropped was not fun. It was so bad that even Smithy was overtaking me on the uphills! I just had zero energy and to be honest it was largely uneventful other than this. In the evening we ventured to a restaurant I hadn’t been to before where Cat and I shared a chateaubriand which was incredible!

Thursday morning we had a lie in as it was meant to be thunderstorming all day. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was relatively dry….ish. We decided to head out on a 30 miler and agreed to no stops to hopefully avoid getting drenched. All our weather apps said different things about when the rain would actually start. I tried to think positively and didn’t take a gillet or a rain jacket which in hindsight was an awful idea because after 15 miles it started raining! After warming up in a hot shower Smithy kindly drove us to Santa Maria to the cake shop so we didn’t miss out. It was so good, as always! On the way back we stopped off in Alcudia to see Smithys friends for a drink before dinner back in Pollensa.

Friday was a complete and utter washout so everyone moped around the villa feeling sorry for themselves. We saw some people risking it and cycling along the coast but the roads over there aren’t great when it’s wet.

My flight back was with Ryanair which was even more horrific than the flight out. Firstly it was delayed but I only found this out when Flip, who was meant to be picking me up, sent a screenshot of the Birmingham Airport arrivals saying I’d be arriving 2 and a half hours late! It waa a fairly standard Ryanair flight….delayed, full and with interesting clientele. Firstly there was a lads on tour group behind me discussing their drunken tattoo escapades, then next to me I had some foreign gypsy couple and to top it off in front was a family of 4. Now I don’t have an issue with people taking their kids on planes and I get that they won’t always necessarily behave well but don’t be a duck to everyone else on the plane when your kids play up. And do not refuse to belt your child because “he’s upset and its abuse” meaning we cannot land until you throw a fit along with your children, hurtling abuse at the entire rest of the flight and staff. I eventually made it home whilst Flip was stuck on traffic still!


Overall it was another great week in Mallorca. I got cake from my two favourite cake shops (eventually), I got ice cream every evening and even managed to get a free one on my last night with some eyelash fluttering. However there were a few more challenges than other weeks I’ve had in Mallorca. Aside from the rain on the last few days we also had to battle which the food shop debatwle….”A man’s idea of what is required and actually reality is so far apart” (quote from Cat) andthe worst snore fest I’ve ever had to endure. Next time I’ll be vetting people based on whether they snore or not!